Dear (hypothetical) future husband,

I was supposed to be working on my management accounting report, but i am so bored. i remembered reading this post from Ryan's blog and i shall do my own version. Here goes...

Dear my future husband,

if i'm married to you, it means that

a. i love you.
b. you love me.

because i am a person who will not be in a relationship with someone i don't love nor will i be in it with someone i know doesn't love me enough. and if you have proposed and i have accepted, it must have gone both ways and i thank you for loving me.

I am surprised at your marriage proposal because i am one girl who never really saw herself walking down the aisle in that cliched white flowing dress with the beautiful bouquet in her hands. I have been hurt in the name of love and thank you once again, for showing me that i am wrong and for proving to me that love does exists and it isn't just money making opportunity for some skinny bitch and buff-ed up hunk to achieve their riches from. Thank you for even wanting me into your life even if you might have seen how disappointing i can be at times. Thank you for just dismissing all the negative emotions i have felt about love and putting in new beliefs of it. And last but not least, thanks for not letting me die a spinster where my death would have been discovered by my neighbor who hates me but have smelt a terrible stench from my apartment and decided to call the police to try her luck to see if i'm dead.

I hope you have decided to propose because you love me just the way i am. I will always be just a little bit fat (this is a little self denial), my face will always be just a little bit rounder than others, my eyes will always be this small and my nose will always be this fat. This is the prettiest i probably will be and i hope you didn't marry me in hope i will look any better. i'm afraid this might not happen. If you have decided to marry me for my wealth, i'm afraid that i won't be any richer either unless i strike the lottery. This is because i need my cosmetics and beauty products to keep my confidence level at a certain minimum and they do cost a bit. and also, i would need to go out with my friends every now and then and i'm afraid this wouldn't be cheap either. What i earn is probably enough for me to spend and just save a little. and don't worry, i wouldn't require you to pay for all these because i do believe we should still maintain our own lives even though we have intertwined.

You have to know that i have been single almost my entire life and that my life is never possible without my friends. So, sometimes when i do put their needs in front of yours, please do not be jealous. I have a couple of male friends who will always be a little more special but since i've decided to get married to you, you don't have to worry about cheating on you. i will always treat them a little better than i do to other men, but since i have given my life to you, you should know that you mean the most to me.

I have the word "wanderluster" tattooed on my lower back. I still love to travel and i hope you can be the one who runs wild with me and not tame me down. i do want a family too but before i do that, i want to step foot in Switzerland, at least because it is the country i would want to visit the most.

I want a family too. if we should have children, i want 2 or more or none. i don't want to just have a child. i am afraid i would spoil him/her and he/she would become a parasite to the society whom no one wants to have anything to do with. i love children but i am afraid i will become a terrible mother who lacks patience and love. i am afraid that one day, i'd be sick of my children and just let them be. what will become if i do change? i will stop working if i do have children, that i promise you. but that means you will have to work harder for the family because it isn't easy raising a family in Singapore with only one parent working. but i want to know my children. i want to love them. i don't want to be like me and my parents. i do love them, but i don't tell them a lot of things because i don't see the need to. i want to be a mother like Lorelai Gilmore where Rory tells her everything.

Last of all, i really hope your love for me will never waver. i know i am not the prettiest, sweetest, sexiest girl in town and there will always be prettier, hotter girls out there to tempt you. and if we do have children, my looks will probably drop one notch down. i will want to have sex with you every night (even though i don't really know how it feels like.. x: ) i really hope you do not break my heart like the other guys did. let death do us part. i hope we can be loving till our dying day. we will probably have misunderstandings or disagreements, but i will try my best to take a step back and i hope you do too. it doesn't matter if you would be balder, fatter, wrinklier because i know i loved you for who you are. so, please don't ever ever feel insecure. (:

i hope you will come into my life eventually because deep in my heart, i really hope you exist. if you do come, i promise to treasure you always.

Loving you ever so deeply,
Your future wife,
Shirley Lim.